Dresses and Gowns
by juneprota
Summary: [SLASH] Much randomness in a hospital room. Convoonly fic. GregWarrick.


**Dresses and Gowns**

**Authors Note:** This was written for a convo-only challenge.

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"I'm sorry Mr. Sanders. Like I've already told you, the doctor wants to keep you overnight for observation. There's nothing I can do about it. It's out of my hands."

"I don't give a fuck what the doctor says, Sandy...or Mandy...or whatever the fuck your name is. I need to--"

"Whoa there cowboy. There's no need to insult the nice nurse."

"Warrick! Thank god. What took you so long? I've been here all day and now they're trying to keep me here longer, just to torture me."

"You've been here for less than two hours, babe. Now apologize to the nice nurse, Candy, because I know you didn't mean to yell at her."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry Candy."

"I completely understand, Mr. Sanders. If you need me just press the call button. Visiting hours are over in 60 minutes."

"So what took you so long? Your boyfriend is seriously injured and you take your time to come visit him. I'm disappointed in you, Warrick."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm such a terrible boyfriend. I don't even know why you're with me, oh great one."

"You kinda have a cute ass."

"You're with me because of my ass, huh? Is that what you're telling me?"

"Hey, hey! Don't tickle the cripple."

"Cripple my ass."

"I thought we were done talking about your ass."

"I don't know. You seem to like the subject well enough."

"So are you springing me out of this joint, or what?"

"You know, I had to lie to the police and tell them you were injured and had to be rushed to the hospital just to stop them from giving you a ticket."

"Well, it's not like I asked you to do that for me."

"But, you did, Greg. You said, 'Warrick, tell them I need to go to the hospital. Maybe they won't give me a ticket.'"

"Why in the world would I tell you to do something like that?"

"You said that you couldn't afford to pay a ticket because you just spent two weeks salary on that widescreen television."

"Yeah, that does make sense. The television was hella expensive."

"Nick'll be over for every game."

"Nick can keep his boyfriend-stealing self at his own apartment."

"Nick's not even gay, Greg. What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Pfft. Yeah, yeah. He says he's not gay. But if Warrick Brown asked him to bend over, he'd be looking for the closest table."

"Dude, I don't even want to think about that. He's my best friend...well besides you."

"That's good to hear. So, are you getting me out of this place or what? Don't you want to take me home?"

"I don't know. It'd be nice to have the place to myself for once. No loud music blasting in my ears. No dirty clothes on the bathroom floor. No incessant babble about Norwegian customs. No--"

"No sex."

"Okay, how are we going to get you out of here?"

"Well, I was thinking you could do that little flirty seductive thing you do and get him to change his mind."

"My little flirty seductive thing?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. You do it all the time with Catherine."

"True, true. So you think he'll change his mind if I flirt with him? How do you even know he swings that way?"

"I just do. I'm a good eavesdropper."

"That doesn't mean I'm his type though."

"You're everyone's type."

"So I just flirt with him until he changes his mind?"

"Well, flirting might not be enough. You might have to put a little action behind it."

"Are you trying to pimp me out?"

"It's not prostitution, Warrick! You're not getting paid."

"That's a comforting thought. So when a nurse catches me giving Doc a blow-job, I'll be able to say 'I'm not a hustler.' You know, you're a real class act. Asking your boyfriend to give some stranger a blowjob."

"It's not like you haven't done it before."

"Asking your boyfriend to give some stranger a blowjob. And calling him a slut. Why am I even with you?"

"Because you like my ass."

"Are we back to talking about asses now?"

"I guess so. Seems to be a reoccuring subject."

"Maybe we're just an ass-obsessed couple of guys."

"It's why we're so compatible."

"Because we both have great asses?"

"Because we both love great asses, stupid."

"Who're you calling stupid?"

"Um...you?"

"Are you forgetting that my IQ's higher than yours?"

"One point, one stupid little point. And we all know how useless those tests are."

"They're not completely useless. They provide very useful information. Information that states I'm smarter than you and always will be, so there."

"You did not. What are you twelve?"

"I did. And I'm a child at heart."

"Isn't that my line?"

"Yeah, it does sound like something you would say. Okay so how am I going to seduce this doctor into letting you come home?"

"First you're going to take off your shirt."

"You want me to strip?"

"I know you're wearing an undershirt. So just do what I say. God, you are so uncooperative at times. Constantly asking questions."

"Well, sorry. So what next?"

"You lick your lips and bat your eyelashes and say "I'm Warri--"

"I do not sound like that. And bat my eyelashes? I do not bat my eyelashes."

"Yes you do. Stop lying."

"I do not bat my eyelashes."

"Ask any woman in the lab and they'll say you do. They're constantly going on about those eyes of yours."

"Man, how am I so out of the loop? I never hear them talk about me."

"That's because they know if they ever said anything like that to you, they'd have a crazy jealous boyfriend that knows how to make bombs and get away with murder on their hands."

"You would never kill anyone."

"Good to know I can count on you as my character witness."

"You kinda scare me when you say things like that."

"That's nice. So are you going to talk to Doc now?

"In a few minutes. I kinda like you like this."

"What do you mea...hey, hey, that's not my thigh, Cassanova."

"Maybe you should wear dresses more often. I could get used to this."

"It's not a dress. It's a gown. A hospital gown. God, you are so sick."

"You love it."

"I'd love it even more if you moved your hand...You know that's not what I mean. Put your hand back up my dress."


End file.
